You're late for school, work, parties, movies and everything else. You've lost every watch you ever owned and couldn't be on time even if Big Ben was tied around your wrist. But who cares? It's not that you're late, it's just that everyone else is early! Don't make excuses for being late, let us do it for you:

BEST EXCUSES FOR BEING LATE:

TRANSPORTATION:
- My car broke down.
- My brakes gave out and I was almost killed.
- My car wouldn't start.
- Someone broke my windshield and I couldn't see to drive, so I had to take a taxi.
- There was a bad accident and I had to wait for air rescue to take off.
- My car was stolen.
- I got a ticket for going a couple of miles above the speed limit! Haven't they got anything better to do?
- My bike was stolen.
- My car was involved in an accident.
- I missed my bus.
- I missed my train.
- My bus broke down.
- My train broke down.
- My bus was late.
- My train was late.
- I got stuck in the snow.
- I had to dig my car out of the snow and get stuck a couple of times.
- My neighbor's car wouldn't start, so I waited a couple of extra minutes to give him a ride. He did the same for me once and I owed him the favor.
- I had to give my mom (dad, brother, sister, relative, best friend) a ride to the doctor (dentist, store, market) before I could head out.

ILLNESS/PERSONAL:
- I wasn't feeling well and over slept.
- I was up half the night because of a noisy party next door, so I over slept.
- My upstairs neighbor was fighting with his wife all night and I couldn't get any sleep, so I over slept.
- I had a touch of food poisoning last night and over slept.
- The power went out in my area and my alarm clock didn't go off.
- I was snowed in and had to get my neighbor to dig me out.
- I fell because my idiot neighbor won't fix his sidewalk and had to change clothes, so that made me late.
- My Mom (sister, son, daughter, relative) called, she wasn't feeling well and I wanted to be sure everything was alright before I got off the phone with her.
- I dropped my books, everything fell out and it took a while to pick it all up.
- I dropped my laptop and had to leave it at a repair shop.
- I couldn't find my cell phone.
- My wife (mom, dad, brother, sister, relative, friend) borrowed my cell phone and I had to stop and get it back before heading out.
- I had to pick up a new cell phone battery or I would be out of touch all day. - I had a major water leak and couldn't get the water shut off.

LOST STUFF:
- I (or your wife, kids, friend) lost one of my school books and I lost track of time trying to find it.
- I couldn't find my keys and had to track down my (wife, kids, friend, relatives) for a spare set.
- My printer wasn't working and I needed to print up some homework, so I stopped at a friend's house and used theirs.

ANIMALS:
- My dog/cat got out the door and I had to catch it before some car ran it over.
- My dog died and I had to take care of that.
- My dog was sick and I had to drop him/her at the Vet.
My dog/cat got into the house and made a mess. I had to clean it up before leaving. Somebody left a stray dog/cat tied to my door so I had to take care of that before leaving.


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WORST EXCUSES FOR BEING LATE:

- I needed to wait for a fresh batch of donuts.
- The coffee was stale, so I waited while they brewed a fresh pot.
- I ran out of gas.
- A dog bit me.
- I over slept.
- My wife and I had an argument.
- My garage door opener broke.
- I had to stand on line at the post office.
- I had to wait on line at the bank.
- I had to stop at the bank.
- That delivery (errand) took longer then I thought it would.
- Some guys tried to mug me.
- I couldn't find the tickets (to the theater, show, event).
- I ran over a cat/dog.
- I hit a deer.


Quickbooks

FUNNY EXCUSES FOR BEING LATE:

- Actually, I've been here for over 20 minutes, big guy -- I was just out chillin' in the van waiting for the end of the live version of 'Freebird'.
- I keep forgetting which side of the International Date Line you're on.
- We're *open* on Tuesdays?
- It took this long to get the ol' blood alcohol level down to the legal driving limit.
- I had to take extra time this morning to wrestle with overwhelming aggressive impulses by reassuring myself that nothing would happen today that would push me over the edge.
- My proctologist got stuck.
- It was Senator Kennedy's turn to drive today, so I've spent the last hour swimming.
- I'm late because I was on the phone trying to get *your* shipping department to send the company's office supplies directly to the winner of my eBay auction.
- Hey, time becomes meaningless when you're as strung out on crystal meth as I am.
- Sorry, sir. I overslept and dreamt I had a dead-end job, a windowless office and a humorless baboon for a boss.
- Heidi Klum refused to untie me.
- On the second Tuesday of the month, the Campho-Phenique man comes by to fill the drum for my home supply of industrial-strength anti-canker sore gel.
- I'm sorry, boss, but I had to stop to get you -- uh -- this box of ten donuts.
- It took me a little longer than normal to hide my disdain this morning... Sir.
- My dog ate my presentation, sir. And by 'my dog' I mean your wife, and by 'ate my presentation' I mean 'was boinking me'.
- These are not the 'droids you're looking for.
- My arm got stuck in the blood pressure machine at K-Mart.
- I'm not late! I'm early for tomorrow.
- I was busy arranging boxes of stolen office supplies.
- I felt it was better to sleep at home rather than at the office.
- I drove to the place I'd rather work at by mistake.
- I'm not late. I decided to change my hours to make them more convenient.
- I tried a new way in to work and it took me two hours.
- I'm a newlywed. Do you want me to continue?
- John Smith, one of our biggest CLIENTS, was stranded with a flat tire...
- Traffic jam caused by stopped clan of tibetan yak herders.
- The bartender wouldn't let me leave.
- I saw a bright shiny object.
- I'm not late, your early.
- Your wife didn't have my breakfast ready on time.
- The wind was blowing against me.
- I was delayed by a rip in the space-time continuum.
- My dog ate my alarm clock.
- The bell for happy hour just ended.
- I removed my own apendix with a tire iron.
- A Squeegy guy got caught in my windshield wiper.
- My wife said she lost her wedding ring, but I found it at the neighbor's house.
- I was playing games on my cell phone and missed my stop.
- I hit a mountain lion on the way to work.
- Sorry, I had to work late at my other job.
- I couldn't find my car.
- I forgot what day it was.
- My favorite actress got married. I needed time alone.
- I was in a plane crash.
- My dog swallowed my car keys.
- The line at Starbucks was out the door.
- I was busy stalking my old girl friend.
- I had to shoot my husband and clean up the mess before the police came.
- I was at confession and did alot of bad things this week, so it took longer.
- I had to stop and drop off my scheduled monthly donation at the Home for Unwed Mothers.


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